Anyway - the time had come. I loaded up Microsoft Word and I typed, 'My name is Maximilian Zygmer Quentin Kavadis John Cabwhill Teller. My name contains every letter of the Roman alphabet except for the letter 'f'. My mother, it seems, had an aversion to 'f'.' After this I had to check the name to see if the alphabet claim was true. But damnit there was no 'p' either. I tried adding another name - 'Paul' but somehow this made the line lose its rhythm. I messed around changing names and inserting letters, and in this way I happily spent around an hour before finally having to abandon my writing for the day. I had written thirty three words and had stalled on finding a name for my central character. It wasn't an auspicious start.
Fast forward five years. The finished novel has been languishing on my computer for eighteen months while (in another fit of procrastination) I wonder what to do with it. Finally one morning in a fit of uncharacteristic energy, I send some sample chapters out to three agents. The book is now called, 'The Interesting Brain of Maximilian Ponder.' It is the story of a young man who locks himself away for three years to catalogue every memory from his brain. Only it doesn't take him three years. It takes thirty years.
Would anyone ever want to read this? I really don't know any more. But I send it off anyway. And then I wait. Writers need to be good waiters. The manuscript went out in May 2010 and the first rejection came back before I'd had time to make a coffee. The second agent gushed over it for five months before sending me the squirmy letter. But hooray for the third agent. I shall call him 'Stan' although this isn't his real name you understand. Stan called to say that he loved the book. Now as anyone who ever wrote a novel could tell you, this immediately means that you can die happy. Someone actually loved this piece of tortuous prose that you've been living with for five years. Those words over the phone trump a massive injection of heroin in terms of sheer euphoric effect.
When the auction started it was giddy. It was unreal. Bids came flying in for unimaginable sums of money, and the man we shall call 'Stan' glibly batted them away into the long grass, waiting for bigger ones to emerge. I am so happy to have signed with Orion. I love everything about them. Their offices are right opposite 'The Ivy'. I have a lovely and very understanding editor. They throw fabulous parties where you rub shoulders with Michael Palin and Hairy Bikers. Most of all, they seem to love the book. Now it is, 'The Notable Brain of Maximilian Ponder.' (Apparently the word 'interesting' isn't especially interesting.)I'm revising the manuscript this month, and hope to see it in print in the spring of 2012 - a year from now. That is the story so far. I will try to blog updates, including progress on Book 2 (working title: 'Explaining Azalea.'). So that was Blog Number One. And it kept me from having to revise Maximilian for at least thirty minutes. Now about those fonts ...
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