I wrote a blog post last month about ‘Avatar 2 (The Way of Water)’ and I used this post to bemoan the prevalence of lazy movie memes – especially memes that involve guns. But maybe, on reflection, ‘meme’ wasn’t the right word. Some people, I’ve discovered, call these things ‘tropes,’ which makes them sound almost respectable. But I’m starting to think of them as clichés. When a hero is rescued by a gunshot from an offscreen character (the Deus ex Machina escape) this is surely nothing more than a lazy cliché – predictable, unoriginal, overused, and boring.
Clichés take the fun out of movies. They tell you, 'here is an unoriginal screenwriter and an unimaginative director and a studio that is happy to rerun old ideas.' It is time for us, the movie-watching public, to call out these mind numbing practices. So I
thought I might use this blog post to start a collection of these clichés, and
I shall add to it when I come across new ones. Feel free to contribute movie clichés
that annoy you – just drop them into the comments and I’ll add them on. Here
are a few to get us started.
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| HEROES ALWAYS RUN FROM AN EXPLOSION WITH NOT A SECOND TO SPARE |
THE TV NEWS FLASH IS ALWAYS
RELEVANT
If the TV is on in the background
of a scene, and the news is on (or there’s a news flash) – you can be
absolutely certain this news item will be central to the story that is about to
unfold. Particularly if it happens in Act 1. No other story will be aired and
the characters will turn off the TV before the football results come on.
LESSONS ARE ALWAYS INTERRUPTEFD
BY THE BELL
If a character is a teacher or a
professor we will join them in class, but only for the last few minutes of
class up until the point where they are interrupted by the bell. Never midway
through. During the few minutes we see, the teacher/professor will expound upon
a theory that will prove central to the story that is about to unfold.
Particularly if it happens in Act 1. Usually he/she will be interrupted by a
smartass student with a smartass question. This student will turn out to be the
hero or the nemesis of the story.
THE DOG WILL DIE
There’s a dog! Oh dear. He’s
going to die. Or go missing.
PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS WILL BE OVERHEARD
Two characters share their
suspicions about a third character. Big mistake. The third character will be
standing silently out of sight listening to everything.
DUCTS ARE EVERYWHERE
Every spaceship / building / ship
/ prison will have a network of ducts that are just wide enough to crawl
through. Each duct has a cover with just two screws. A character can also use a
duct to eavesdrop on conversations (see previous cliché).
BOMB TIMERS ARE REALLY HELPFUL
For no known reason, bomb makers
helpfully include a digital count-down timer (even when they don’t expect
anyone to be there to be there to see it.) The bomb maker is never smart enough
to have triggered the bomb at any point on the countdown except zero. This is
lucky because generally the hero will defuse the bomb with just three seconds
to go.
COSTUME DRAMA DRESSES NEVER GET
MUDDY
God knows there must have been a
lot of mud. But long dresses stay clean.
DETECTIVES LIVE IN ICONIC HOMES
Usually by water. Or in a trailer.
Or a boat. Or somewhere spectacular. Never in an apartment block or on a dull
estate.
NO ONE SAYS GOODBYE ON PHONE
CALLS
They just hang up. Rude.
IT WAS ALL A DREAM
This cliché annoys me more than
any other. We think we’re watching a bona-fide scene in the movie. Dreadful
things happen. They get worse. Oh my god! But then the protagonist awakes.
Phwew! It was only a dream.
DRIVERS LOOK AT THEIR PASSENGERS WHILE
TALKING
If a car driver has five lines of
dialogue, he/she will deliver this whole spiel while looking directly at the passenger,
and the passenger will never panic or say ‘keep your eyes on the road.’
COUGHING IN A COSTUME DRAMA MEANS
DEATH
One cough is all it needs and you
know the character has consumption and will surely die before the credits.
HIGH SCHOOLS ALWAYS HAVE BULLIES
But don’t worry. They will always
get their comeuppance in the final act.
BEST FRIENDS ARE ALWAYS QUIRKY
Usually a little overweight. Not
too bright. Not too good looking. Often a member of an ethnic minority. They
will fall out with the hero in Act 3. But they are staunch. In Act 4 they will
reappear just when they are needed.
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