My Map Pins (17): The Great Wall of China at Mutianyu (Posted March 2021)

 

It was a pretty muggy day when we got to the wall. A lot of days are muggy in Beijing. Not great for photographs, but no matter. The Great Wall really is everything you want it to be. It is a mind boggling construction that just goes on and on. Very few adjectives really do it justice. 'Awesome' barely hints at the colossal scale of the thing.

 Mutianyu is probably the most popular place to see the wall. It is an easy ride from Beijing, it is well provided with coach parks and restaurants, and it is absolutely heaving with visitors. This, by the way, should not come as a surprise. Most (almost all) the visitors are Chinese tourists visiting the wall themselves for the very first time. The wall is a marvel to them just as much as it is for us. Of course it is. So for the foreign visitor I have a very valuable tip. Don't take a coach trip to the wall. Don't take an organised tour from your hotel. Take a taxi. The reason for this became very clear to us after a while. The coaches and tours allow their parties an hour to explore the wall before they bundle everyone back onto the bus to take them off to a jade museum or a silk factory or whatever. So the vast crowds amble along the wall for half an hour, and then, reluctantly, they turn back. They don't want to miss their bus. But if you get there by cab, you have no such time cap. You can wander on. Suddenly you break free of the crowd. You climb a hill, and oh my god, you have the Great Wall of China to yourselves. Almost. We kept on going until our legs instructed us to turn around (and it can be very tiring in places).  Honestly, you could stay there all day. 


What3words: zebra.pressed.disarming


My Map Pins (16): Tanjung Puting, Borneo (Posted March 2021)

 









The orang utan in the photo is wild. Or semi wild. This is the Tanjung Puting national park on the island of Borneo where orangs are well protected, and where captive apes are re-introduced into the forest, so some of the orangs here are more relaxed around people than others. All the same, they aren’t always easy to spot in the trees, so it was a magical, heart-stopping moment when this mother and her child swung down towards us and reached out her arm. I think Sue’s face in the photo fairly accurately reflects the way she felt.

I have blogged about this before I know, so apologies if you feel you've read this all twice - but I do want to plug this as a tourist experience. It is almost incomparable. And orang utans need the visitors. The more people who visit, the more incentive there is for countries like Indonesia and Malaysia to keep the parks. You don’t need a swanky travel company. You can find little tour-boat companies in Candi on the Kumai River if you search online. Which is how we did it. This is how it works. You fly to Pangkalan Bun in Central Kalimantan, and you hire a klotok, and a crew. A klotok is an Indonesian river boat. Your crew is a captain, an engineer, a cook and a guide. You have the boat to yourselves. You set off into the Tanjung Puting reserve up the Sekonyer River which is the only way you can get there. The river winds languidly through the jungle. It is a three day trip. You spend both nights on the top deck, underneath a mosquito net, listening to the sounds of the forest. You’ll see hundreds of proboscis monkeys. You’ll see flocks of fruit bats. All manner of birds. You’ll see orangs and gibbons. It is blissfully peaceful. You rarely see another boat – except at Camp Leakey where all the boats park up to let you go off exploring on foot. There seem to be around twenty boats on the river. But it is a big river. Wildlife watching trips don’t get much better than this.  

what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location

What3words: termite.plucky.marriage

Please check out my website to learn more about my books:  https://www.johnironmonger.com

My Map Pins (15): The Transfăgărășan Highway, Romania (Posted March 2021)

 BBC’s ‘Top Gear’ called this, ‘The Best Road in the World™.’ And who are we to argue? It is a 150km mountain pass in Transylvania built for the odious Romanian dictator Ceaucescu as an escape route in case of a Soviet invasion. Hundreds of workers are said to have died in its construction. The road twists and turns, and climbs to 2,000 metres (6,600 ft) (that’s nearly twice the height of Snowdon - British readers), and it is only open for three months of the year due to snow. 





There were four of us (Sue, Val, Mick, me) in a wholly unsuitable hire-car. It was September, and it was jolly cold at the top. But what the heck. The Transfăgărășan is a glorious, outrageous, and utterly bonkers switchback road, occasionally terrifying, with unbelievable views – well worth the long and rather dull drive north from Bucharest. 

what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location 

What3Words: bluntly.bucking.formula

Please check out my website to learn more about my books:  https://www.johnironmonger.com

Another Amazing Cover (8th March 2021)

 



I wanted to share these two covers with you. I am in awe of them both. The first is the design for 'The Many Lives of Heloise Starchild,' by the utterly brilliant Tomasz Almeida. The second isfor the Dutch Translation, 'De Vele Levens van Heloise Starchild,' - and this design is by the genius that is Edward Bettison. They are both truly gorgeous. We are not worthy. 

Please check out my website to learn more about my books:  https://www.johnironmonger.com

My Map Pins (14): Poprad, Slovakia (Posted March 2021)

 Sue and I took the night train to Poprad from Prague. That wasn’t a great idea. This was 1995. It wasn’t all that long after the collapse of communism. We shared a sleeper carriage with four Russian soldiers with smelly feet and loud snores. We didn’t sleep much. We disembarked at dawn in Poprad ... a sleepy, godforsaken, city in the foothills of the Tatras. Much of Poprad was pretty grim. Yet we were somehow charmed by the place. (Many years later I would set the first few chapters of my novel, ‘The Many Lives of Heloise Starchild,’ here. That’s a plug by the way.) No one spoke any English. Or French. We ordered meals in cafés by gesturing for food and eating whatever came. Sue found this unspoiled neighbourhood (the one in the photographs) in a guide book. We walked around, took two snapshots (these) and got a local bus back to the station.



what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location  

What3Words: loaders.equality.pizza

Please check out my website to learn more about my books:  https://www.johnironmonger.com


It's the Virtual Paperback Launch Day for 'The Many Lives of Heloise Starchild' (4th March 2021)

 Launch days are exciting times for a writer. Today is a little different though. Bookshops are still closed. Airport and station book-stands are unnaturally quiet. We are all in a curious kind of limbo. Waiting for the summer. Meeting up on zoom calls. Catching up on boxsets. What a time to launch a book.  

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, with your permission, let me launch The Many Lives of Heloise Starchild virtually. Ta da! Here it is: (don't you agree it looks gorgeous?)



 Let me tell you about Heloise. I wanted to write a long story. Not a long book, but a tale that would span several centuries. A narrative that would push great historical events into perspective and might help us to make sense of the turmoil of the past few hundred years. Perhaps even of the past few years. But how do you do that without changing the lead character every few chapters? One day I had an idea. What if Heloise’s daughter was to inherit her memories? And what if her daughter, in turn, inherited those memories too? There could be a continuous story that would cross the generations. And so Heloise was born. Her story starts on a night when Halley’s comet lights up the sky in 1759. Her many lives will become a great adventure, where the backdrop is a whole swathe of recent history. It will be a search for family treasure. It will be a nail-biting escape from tyranny. Above all, it will become the warm, inspiring story of a strong woman with a good heart.

I am proud of The Many Lives of Heloise Starchild. It feels like the book I always wanted to write.  I should love for you to read it. And, in the absence of any book signings, or even of a launch party, I would be happy, instead, to join you and your book-club (if you have one) on a zoom call if you choose to read the novel. I will try to join any group that invites me. So please let me know.

And huge thanks to lots of people. To my brilliant editor Fede, to my amazing agent Stan, to my incredible wife Sue, and to all the extraordinary people at W&N Books and Orion. Thank you.

John Ironmonger. March 4th 2021. Parkgate, Cheshire

Please check out my website to learn more about my books:  https://www.johnironmonger.com



My Map Pins (13): A bus roof in Tandi Bazaar, Nepal (Posted March 2021)

How did we come to be on the roof of a bus in the Himalayas? Well, Your Honour, the bus was full and we needed to get to the Indian border; other people were climbing onto the roof, and so we thought, ‘what could possibly go wrong?’ And for the first hour it was quite exciting – apart from the dust clouds and the exhaust fumes and the extreme discomfort. The bus tootled along at a leisurely pace, we stopped in little towns to let more passengers onto the roof, and from time to time fruit sellers came past and sold us slices of oranges. It was all fairly civilised. 

 



Then we started the long winding road down the mountainside towards Sonauli and suddenly it began to get scary. The road dropped away dramatically on one side. Great views and all that but it was too terrifying to keep your eyes open for long. The driver put his foot down and now we were tearing around hairpin bends at breakneck speeds, clutching onto the roof rack for dear life. We clung on and prayed for about an hour and at the next stop we climbed down and found a seat in the bus. I think perhaps the next time we’ll take a taxi. 

Please check out my website to learn more about my books:  https://www.johnironmonger.com

what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location

What3Words: sailboat.scalps.sustaining

My Map Pins (12): Jökulsárlón, Iceland (Posted March 2021)

 ‘We should go to Jökulsárlón,’ Graham said. Really? It is a five hour drive from Reykjavik, so this was going to be ten hours of driving. But the essential rule when travelling is, 'never say no', so we nicked some food from the hotel breakfast to make into sandwiches, and we set off before dawn. It was March. Still bloody cold. But you want Iceland to be cold. The road twists around the southern coastline, past the famous Eyjafjallajökull volcano, and it is a spectacular drive. And OMG! Jökulsárlón is utterly worth the trip. 







I promise to post more of Iceland – but for the four of us (Sue, me, Graham, Jen) Jökulsárlón was the highlight. It is where the great Vatnajökull glacier calves off into the sea. It is awe inspiring and humbling and beautiful. If you visit Iceland, put it on the top of your list.

Please check out my website to learn more about my books:  https://www.johnironmonger.com

what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location

  What3Words: bamboo.roughing.filmy


My Map Pins (11): The Nile Ferry at Laropi, Northern Uganda (Posted February 2021)







My novel ‘The Coincidence Authority’ features, in its closing chapters, a tough, overland trip by the eponymous protagonist, Thomas Post. He travels by bus, taxi, bicycle, and foot, all the way from Kampala to the north west corner of Uganda –a province known as West Nile. This corner of Uganda has been snipped off the country map by the Nile River, and is only accessible by a bridge to the far west of the country at Pakwach, or by a smelly, unreliable (but more accessible) ferry eighty miles away at Laropi (unless you sneak over the border from Sudan or Congo). This was a journey I first made around 1970 with my brother-in-law Doop when I was fifteen or sixteen or thereabouts. Doop was an engineer installing elevators into Ugandan hospitals. I went with him as his spanner boy to places like Gulu, and Moyo – remote communities, close to the borders with Congo and Sudan. The region has been a war zone for much of the past half century, although now, thankfully, it is at peace. Thomas Post, in the novel, crosses the river at Laropi, and I felt it was important to go back and see the region again; so in May 2011 in an effort to do the research, my son Jon and I followed in Thomas’s footsteps. We drove north from Kampala, and boarded the ferry to West Nile. The river is only about half a mile wide here. This is one of its narrowest points. It was a languid, surreal crossing, watched by hippos. Glorious. 

Please check out my website to learn more about my books:  https://www.johnironmonger.com

what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location

What3Words: pivot.stepbrother.atrocious


 

My Map Pins (10): The Berm, Guelta Zemmur, Western Sahara (Posted February 2021)

My mate Graham Ibbotson and I may be the only Europeans alive ever to visit Guelta Zemmur. True.  There is absolutely no reason to go here unless one of you, perhaps, is a slightly crazy novelist who wants to research it for a story. And yet the desert drive to Guelta Zemmur remains one of the most extraordinary journeys I’ve ever made. We went to find ‘The Berm,’ one of the greatest landscaping achievements of humanity. Or, if you prefer, one of the most disgraceful (and frankly unnecessary) engineering feats on our planet. It is a two thousand seven hundred km wall, built almost entirely out of sand. On either side of it lies the world’s longest continuous minefield. It is the most effective military border on Earth. Buried within it are more than seven million land-mines. An estimated 1,500 people have died from mine explosions along it. It still kills around 25 people a year. Imagine that. Imagine a minefield two hundred metres wide stretching all the way from London to Istanbul. That’s the Berm. It is a difficult construction to get close to (although Graham and I had both driven over this minefield before – but not at Guelta Zemmur – and that will need to wait for another story). 

 





We flew into Laayoune, hired a big 4x4, and drove into the desert. There isn’t a lot of traffic on the long roads of the Western Sahara. Here and there the wind blows sand across the road, and every hour or so a military checkpoint waves you through and on you go. Other than these brief respites, it is a singularly monotonous trail. It’s hot, and when you stop to stretch, the heat is like a foundry furnace. We drove into the bright light of the desert, taking turns at the wheel. The landscape stretched away forever like a Martian plain, rock strewn and featureless, but flecked, surprisingly, here and there by spots of green. Tiny purple flowers bloomed along the roadside. And every now and again a stubborn tree held miraculously out against the hostility of the environment. Guelta Zemmur itself is a tiny oasis with a population of fewer than a hundred people and that’s where the road ends. It is a day’s drive. A soldier, assuming we were military, waved us through and we found ourselves at the Berm. We looked at it. Took no photographs. And drove back. Lunacy. Total lunacy. But one of the best trips ever.   

what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location

What3Words: outfitters.divorcing.draping

My Map Pins (9): Parkgate, Cheshire (Posted February 2021)

 


This is Parkgate. Sue and I moved here in 2017 to a rambling, old house on the Parade, and I guess this means we now call this town our home. It is a hauntingly beautiful place. People visit Parkgate for the scenic walks, for birdwatching, for ice creams, and for fish and chips. Once upon a time it was a seaside and a busy port, and it still retains echoes of those days. It is a popular promenade – even though the ships and the sea and the beaches have all gone.  Back in 1928 someone had the bright idea of planting spartina grass to control the dunes; the grass invaded the estuary and turned it from ocean into marshland. Now it is an RSPB sanctuary for wading birds and raptors.  As I write, I look out over forty square miles of wilderness towards the North Wales coast. I can see egrets and pink footed geese. Often there is a hen harrier or a short eared owl. You can hear the haunting calls of curlews. Once or twice a year we get a spring tide that brings water all the way up the sea wall as a reminder of Parkgate’s glory days, but these tides also bring silt and vegetation and so, in small increments, the level of the marshes rise. The dog in the picture is Poppy, now 13.  

Why this has been The Year of the Whale: (Der Wal und das Ende der Welt and The Whale at the End of the World) (23rd February 2021)

 An odd thing has happened. ‘Not Forgetting the Whale’ has sold amazingly well in Germany. I should love to take all the credit, but in truth I owe much of the success to a remarkable German publisher, and most of the rest to the pandemic. The publisher is S.Fischer Verlag, a small but very dedicated imprint in Frankfurt. They are lovely. They are smart. They renamed the novel, ‘Der Wal und das Ende der Welt’ – or ‘The Whale and the End of the World,’ and they gave it a startlingly clever cover – an arresting orange ground with a fin whale swimming into view from the back cover. They promoted the book really well. Big displays in bookshops. Lots of press. This was in 2019. And well, we all know what happened next. Covid came along. The paperback was due to launch in August 2020, but someone at Fischer had a hunch that the central story of ‘Whale’ (a global flu pandemic) might be topical enough to justify an earlier launch. They brought it forward to March 25th. Smart move. It went straight into the Spiegel paperback chart at No 6 – just behind Camus’ ‘Plague.’ By 20th May it had crept up to No 3, and by 20th August it was at Number 2. Christmas came and it was Number 1. Today, as I write this, it is still up there at Number 5. It has been in the top 10 for 49 weeks. On social media, in Germany, it has been



a phenomenon. More than 560 people have posted photographs of their copy on Instagram. I have lost count of the Twitter messages. The image above is just a snapshot of some of the hundreds of Facebook posts.

I could pretend to be wholly nonplussed. Perhaps I should. But the truth is, of course, I’m over the moon! It’s amazing! (I don't think you'd ever find a novelist who wouldn’t like to see ‘The International Bestseller’ on the cover of their book.) So a huge thank you to S Fischer Verlag, and to Susanne Halblieb, Elisa Diallo, Siv Bublitz, Petra Wittrock, and Janina Bradac, and of course to Maria Poets for her fantastic translation, and to Kirsty and Stan and Fede and  Ellie Freedman and the brilliant team at Orion Books, and to Krystyna who sold the German rights. And now, guess what, it has been relaunched here in England as, ‘The Whale at the End of the World,’ (which is curiously unsettling because now I don't know what to call it.) But it is doing ok. And it is doing well in the Netherlands too as ‘De Dag Dat De Walvis Kwam’ (The Day the Whale Came.) And it will launch soon in Italy. Altogether it has been translated into twelve languages! It is to be made into a German TV series. And it has been turned into a stage show (with music by Sting). Gosh. I'm truly stunned..

My Map Pins (8): Ilorin, Kwara State, Nigeria (Posted February 2021)

 

Ilorin is a bright, hot, dusty, smelly, busy, noisy, chaotic, colourful place. It is Nigeria’s seventh city. It has a population similar to Greater Manchester and it sits in a kind of geographical hinterland between the Sahara to the north and the rainforest (what is left of it) to the south. Not many big trees. Lots of sand. Lots of low, makeshift buildings. Lots of traffic. Not much in the way of a city-wide sewage system (at least not while we were there). Or refuse-collection. But you can’t have everything. We moved to Ilorin in 1979. I was to take up a post as a Lecturer in Zoology at the University, which I did, with enormous enthusiasm, for a term or so. It was fun. We would explore the city and its vibrant markets. We would chill out in the pool at the Kwara Hotel. I even took to the field once to play cricket for Kwara State (It was 102° F / 39°C. I scored two. I blame the heat.). But there were all sorts of problems. I won’t bore you with them all. The biggest challenge was accommodation. There wasn’t any. The University had recruited teaching staff from all around the world, but they hadn’t actually started building the campus. So we taught in a series of unsuitable buildings that had been commandeered from a local college, while lecturers and their families were billeted in unsavoury flats around the town. It all developed into a bit of a Gordian knot and eventually, pretty disappointed, we flew back to Britain. And that was that. I don’t suppose I shall ever go back. But Ilorin isn’t the kind of place you forget easily. So that’s my map pin. The photos are snapshots from our album. And the link should take you to the campus, close to where we stayed.

what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location

What3Words: uncle.rating.dolls


My Map Pins (7): Liverpool (Posted February 2021)

Sue and I were married in September 1975, two months after we graduated from Nottingham, and we moved to a city neither of us knew – Liverpool. I was enrolled at the university, studying for a PhD in zoology. Sue was working in the lab at Unigate Dairies in Fazakerley. We found a one roomed flat in Princes Road, Toxteth. I won’t lie. It was grim. After a year we moved to Waterloo, a much more genteel neighbourhood.

It probably took us about a year to ‘get’ Liverpool. It’s a city that grows on you slowly. In the 1970s it was suffering from decades of neglect. The docklands were derelict and abandoned. So was much of the city. We were there during the notorious 'Toxteth Riots.' But we did ‘get’ Liverpool eventually. There’s a rather charming stoicism about the city. Being ‘scouse’ is less about where you come from and more about your frame of mind. In the 70s it was a city of rip-off goods, and dodgy politics, and football, and wisecracks. I’m not sure much has changed. In the 1980s I worked for a while at the Port of Liverpool Building on the Pier Head. The Albert Docks were being transformed. There was a sense that Liverpool had turned a corner. Things were looking up. Today our daughter, Zoe, is an Events Manager for Liverpool Council. It’s an amazing job. It means we are drawn back to the city every time there is a big event –and there are a lot in Liverpool - music festivals, fireworks, lightshows, tall ships – and here, in the photograph, for one of three amazing visits by the giants!   



what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location

What3words: joined.sleep.select #LIVERPOOL


My Map Pins (6): Kilimanjaro (Posted February 2021)

 




I was twelve the first time I climbed Kilimanjaro. The black and white photograph is me with my certificate to prove I made it to the top. (Coincidentally this picture was taken in Nairobi Bus Terminal which is My Map Pin (1).) The traditional garland of everlasting flowers is made by the mountain guides, and given to climbers once you make the summit. I don't know if they still do this. 

It was a five day expedition. Three and a half days climbing, and a day and a half descending. The photograph below really hasn’t aged very well. These were the ten of us, all schoolboys, all much the same age, photographed at Marangu at the end of the trek. Now I come to look at this photograph I can’t even figure out which one was me. Maybe there were eleven of us and I took the picture. Who can tell? It was a school trip, of a sort. The expedition leader was our teacher, Mr Cowie. I have forgotten the names of almost all the boys in the photograph – so if, by a miracle, you read this blog and remember being there, please, please write and tell me. 

Kilimanjaro is one of the best things you can do. It is challenging (very), exhilarating, exhausting, exotic, and one heck of an achievement. If you ever get a chance to climb it, don’t even think about passing.

The What3words (below) take you to Kibo hut, the highest overnight resting stop. It is the location for the second photograph. You set off from here at 2am for the summit. It is brutally cold. Breathing is hard work. But you get to the top for the sunrise and I promise you, you won’t ever forget it.  

what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location

What3Words: bacteria.name.twirling  #Kilimanjaro

My Map Pins (5): Nottingham (Posted February 2021)

 




I picked Nottingham University because I liked the name. I liked the association with Robin Hood. It sounded like a place in the forest. I had never been there of course. Or anywhere close. I don’t remember doing any research on the university itself. Or the course. Or the town. Or anything really. That’s how tenuous life choices can be when you’re a teenager. Anyway, it was fine. It was more than fine. It was brilliant. I studied zoology. I met my wife, Sue there. I made great friends. I still have enormous affection for the place.

In my final year I shared a house at No 25 Cromwell Street with Sue, Val Rose, and Jon Gathercole. This, in the photo, is how it now appears on Google Street View.

what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location

What3Words: dare.waters.rugs 


My Map Pins (4): Ramsgate, Kent (Posted February 2021)

 



Ramsgate is a seaside resort town on the far eastern toe of Kent. I went to school there. To be precise, I went to St Lawrence College, a boarding school exclusively (then) for boys. I was there from the age of 13 up until the week before my 18th birthday. My family were in Kenya, and flights were expensive, so I would go home just twice a year – once at Christmas and once for the summer holiday. Some years I was among the small handful of boys who stayed even during half terms and Easter while everyone else had gone home. It was a pretty austere place at the start. Dormitories were unrelentingly cold. Discipline was fierce. Junior boys were still ‘fags’ expected to wait upon senior boys, to fetch, and carry, and mop, and polish. Prefects could (and did) still thrash fags with a cane. It was all very Tom Brown’s Schooldays. But our generation of pupils were witnesses to change. We were the very last fags, and the last to be flogged. We were part of a great movement in the 1960s of enlightenment and modernisation. Thank God! And I don’t hesitate to say I enjoyed school. I did. I made good friends. I loved sport. I performed Shakespeare. And Ramsgate, on the whole, was a pretty fun place.  It was good. All good.

I went back a couple of years ago. I was invited to talk to sixth formers about being a novelist. How strange it is going back to your old school. So much had changed. There were no dormitories. There were girls. New buildings had appeared and old ones had vanished. And yet so little had changed. I guess that’s how it works. In my novel ‘The Notable Brain of Maximilian Ponder,’ the character, Adam, ends up at a school in Ramsgate. I’m sure it must be somewhere similar.

what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location

What3Words: trail.drum.sticky #Ramsgate    



My Map Pins (3): Mevagissey, Cornwall (Posted February 2021)

 



This is a photograph of Mevagissey from the 1970s when I lived here with my family. It is a traditional Cornish fishing village on the south coast. My mother grew up here. The middle picture is of my mum and old Mr Cloke the fisherman. When my father retired from his job in Nairobi, he bought a grocery shop here. They called it ‘The Harbour Stores.’ (The third picture is my dad in Mevagissey at about that time.) I was seventeen. I thought I would hate living in a remote village at the end of the world. I was wrong. I loved it.  Years later, Mevagissey would inspire my novel ‘The Whale at the End of the World,’ (also called ‘Not Forgetting the Whale’). Mr Cloke was the inspiration for Old Man Garrow in the novel. Mevagissey is a little bigger than St Piran (the fictional town in the story), but it was the sense of community I was trying to capture. That’s a plug, in case you haven’t read the book. The What3Words (below) takes you to my dad’s shop. Today it is a bakery and an art shop.  

what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location

What3Words: panics.backers.leaky

My Map Pins (2) Tsavo East National Park, Kenya (Posted February 2021)

 



I was sixteen when I first went to Tsavo East.  I went as a hanger-on/assistant to a zoologist from the University of Nairobi, and what we were supposed to be doing there was helping to measure the elephant population. How is that for a holiday job? From my memory, I can tell you there were an estimated 30,000 elephants in Tsavo at the time, but someone had apparently decided that a more accurate count was needed.  The plan was for light aircraft to ‘bomb’ groups of elephant with white-wash and then for spotters in Landrovers (us) to criss-cross the park trying to spot and count those elephants with white spots. We stayed at the Tsavo Research Station and we spent every day in the park counting elephants. Tsavo East is larger than Yorkshire. We covered a lot of miles and counted a lot of elephants. One night we were invited to dinner with the park director – an ancient colonial character who shared stories of exploring Kenya on foot as a young man, and who told us of his encounters with the Ghost and the Darkness, the man-eating lions of Tsavo. Dinner concluded with a huge stilton cheese hollowed out and filled with port. Could you get more colonial than that?  This was when I decided I wanted to be a zoologist.

I've been back to Tsavo with Sue. These pictures are from our visit in 2008.   

what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location

What3Words: bookmaking.noted.fumbles

My Map Pins (1) Nairobi, Kenya (Posted February 2021)

 




I haven't been to Nairobi since I was seventeen. That was in 1971. So the photograph here (not my picture by the way) is from around that time, This is Nairobi bus station as I remember it. When I went into town (which I did a lot), this is where I would often go to catch the bus home.

I've been doing that thing on Google Maps where you create a map of your life; you drop a pin into all the places you've been, and before long you have a world map dotted with your memories. No use to anyone of course, except as a rather fun exercise; but I had this idea to turn a few of my pins into blog posts. After all, I have been a rubbish blogger, and it is time I posted some more. So here we are, and I'm starting with Nairobi. This is where I was born - at the Princess Elizabeth Hospital (now the Kenyatta National Hospital). My dad was a civil servant, and we moved around a lot, but the house I remember most was the one Dad built - the home I grew up in. The address used to be Westfield Close, Lavington which is a terribly British address. Today it is Naushad Merali Drive. (See the What3Words link below). I used to know every inch of this neighbourhood. I explored it on my bike, and on foot with my best friend Bruce Bulley. In those days it was on the very edge of town, and you could set off on the Kikuyu paths into wild Kenya - watching out for snakes - and we regularly did. In my novel, 'The Notable Brain of Maximilian Ponder', this is where the early chapters are set. Adam Last, the voice of the book, lives conveniently in the very house where I did, and he explores the same paths.

I still miss Nairobi. To me it still feels like home. I still hope, one day, to go back

what3words /// The simplest way to talk about location

What3words: dusters.pitch.cowboy


 

Why I shall always be a Remainer ... (30 December 2020)

That’s it. We’ve left the EU. We’ve swapped membership of a great international club for a sort of handwritten visitor’s-pass. We’ve done it to appease a motley and dubious crowd of braying nationalists. I don’t know, by the way, if this will make us richer, or if it will make us poorer. Neither do you. Neither does anyone. Both sides wheel-out their tame economic think-tanks to make contradictory forecasts. Yet even when Brexit has become old news, let’s say in ten years’ time, when all the dust has settled and economists have done their sums, do you know what? We still won’t know. We’ll still be arguing. Because who knows what the alternative future might have been? Remainers will say it would have been rosier. Leavers will say it would have been bleaker. Jacob Rees-Mogg will be telling us it will take fifty more years before we know. Well, good luck with that.

Here’s where I stand on the whole sorry argument. I’m a Remainer. I shall still be a Remainer even if Britain’s economy booms spectacularly after Brexit as Boris Johnson promises us it will, or equally, if it fails, as many economists and the Financial Times choose to believe. My argument, you see, has nothing to do with the economy, or trade deals, or customs unions, or tariffs. I’m not worried about the colour of our passports, or the plight of farmers in Northern Ireland, or lorries parking up on the M2 at Dover. Or fish. I am concerned however, about our belligerent desire to build barriers between peoples, as if somehow we are different, as if we breathe different air or have different numbers of legs. We are all related, the Brits, and the Belgians, and the Bulgars, and the Bolivians and every other label we can choose to hang around the necks of people, but we have lost sight of this. Let me demonstrate this. Consider your cousins. If your first cousin is someone who shares one (or usually two) of your grandparents, and your second cousin shares one of your great grandparents, it turns out that almost no one on the planet is more distant from you than a 27th cousin. Most people are a whole lot closer. We are all related. We have been fooled by ephemeral things like skin colour or language to imagine that humans belong in races or nationalities, but genetically we’re all pretty much the same. There is more genetic difference between a chimpanzee in Senegal and another in Uganda than there is between an Inuit and a Maori, or a Yorkshireman and a Chinaman. It really doesn’t help us to define ourselves by the patch of land where we happen to have been born (or the island we happen to think of as home). We are one human family, and if the world belongs to anyone, it belongs to all of us equally. Understanding this, and treating the world as our common responsibility, is the best (and possibly only) hope for our species. We only have one planet. It is the cradle and home of our species. Whether you were born in Ruislip or Rio, whether you’re a Briton or a Breton, a Ghanian or a Guyanian, we all have a right to live and breathe the same air, to grow up, to raise families, and to pursue happiness or whatever it is we want to pursue (within reason of course). And it seems to me that the biggest barrier we have to this great ideal is our almost religious devotion to the idea of the nation state with its precious little borders and its pretentions of autonomy. I like to think that one day, probably long after you and I are dust, the squabble of little nations and fragile egos and tiny minded bigotries that infect our planet and keep us all at arm’s length will dissolve and we will come together as a people to manage, and curate this planet, and its tribes, and its wildlife, in a way we simply don’t do today. And in that regard I saw the European Union as one small, tentative, local, step in the right direction.

OK. So perhaps I’m a fantasist. But bear with me a little longer. The EU wasn’t (and isn’t) a perfect organisation. We agree on that. But it can (and does) legislate on environmental issues across a whole continent. That’s important. The EU has some of the world’s highest environmental standards, and laws passed in Brussels help protect natural habitats, keep air and water clean, ensure proper waste disposal, and help businesses move toward sustainable economies. Tin-pot nations that don’t belong to a global bloc like the EU don’t bother making these kinds of rules. Why should they? Only a big club like the EU can do this.

And the EU is growing. Or it was growing until Britain decided to take its ball away. It was nine countries. Now it’s 28. One day it might absorb countries in the Middle East, in Central Asia, and North Africa and who knows, it could, one day become a global union. I hope it does. I hope Brexit doesn’t put the brakes on this. And I hope, when it does finally reach a critical mass, it won’t be too late to save our planet from greedy, feuding, nation states.

Nation states are the problem. They’re not the solution. Not even Britain. Nation states like to think they can do whatever they want. They can make their own rules. And they do. But a world of competing nation states is a world that rapes the planet of its resources, that stifles the freedom of its people to travel, that overlooks famines and disasters in other countries. Nations go to war with other nations. Nations can’t manage the oceans. They can’t manage the climate. They can’t halt deforestation. They can’t stop mass extinctions. 

Yet the idea of the nation state is so deeply embedded in our collective view of the world that it is a difficult shibboleth to topple. All around the world children learn about the glorious histories of their own nations. Every other country is a potential enemy. That’s the lesson we all grow up believing. Brexit was driven by a whole basket of grievances, but more than this, it was driven by a nationalistic belief in British exceptionalism, the idea that we are somehow better than the Poles and Hungarians, that the sun that shines on Britain is our sun, that the fish in the sea are ours, that Queen still rules an empire, and the map is still pink. But none of this is true.

 The EU isn’t a global talking-shop like the UN. It’s a pragmatic single market with free trade and free movement and regulations and regulatory oversight and a court. It is an organisation that survives by respecting its members, celebrating their differences, and trying to find consensus. Imagine a world run like that. Is it such a bad idea? Really?

This is why I want to stay part of the club. I don’t expect Britain to rejoin for a generation at least – but I will support any campaign to rejoin. I’m a remainer. I will always be a remainer. And I’m proud of that.

 


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