Glastonbarby ... and the significance of sixty (4th July 2014)

Perhaps I shouldn't admit to this. Maybe I should post a youthful photo and pretend to be thirty five. Oh dear. This is harder than I thought it would be. 
Deep breath.
Here goes ...
... in four days time I shall be sixty. 
Ouch!
It might be easier if the birthday cards were kinder. Instead the convention seems to be a comical card with a sting inside. 'At your age it's a good idea to test your hearing,' reads one. 'So I bought you this musical card.' (Hint: It isn't a musical card.) 'You're at a wise age,' headlines another. And inside, 'wise my hair falling out? Wise my memory going?'
Oh well.
We had a fabulous party, (Glastonbarby) with sixty (natch) wonderful guests. We set up our mini-marquee and my brilliant son-in-law Ian fixed up a live link to the Glastonbury Festival on a colossal screen and we all ate hog roast, and drank Pimms and countless bottles of wine to the sounds of Metallica and Brian Ferry and we all partied ridiculously late into the night. Mike (Plymouth to Banjul) Taylor set off the biggest firework display I've seen for ages. Sue made an amazing cake. And our kids showed an embarrassing surprise video montage (Sixty Years in the Making) with photographs of me from childhood to bloated old age (including a picture of me in a frock as Mariana of the Moated Grange in a school production of Measure for Measure - not the sort of family photo I'd normally choose to share.) There were surprise guests. There were balloons. There was bunting with my face and age. There was an awful lot of hugging. Actually it was just about the best barbecue night I could imagine. Twenty one people stayed the night and the next morning we barbecued bacon and sausages and black pudding and Sue made a huge trough of scrambled eggs and the sun shone. Thank you to everyone who came, who helped with food and tents and loads of other stuff. It was awesome. You were awesome.
And here's the thing. I don't feel sixty. Really I don't. I've figured out that it isn't a milestone at all. It isn't this big deal. It's just a day, and hey, tomorrow will be another one. Two of our best friends bought me a T-shirt that reads 'Old Guy,' on the front. 'It fits perfectly,' I've told them. 'But I've put it in the drawer. I'm keeping it for when I get old.' 

A New Cover Revealed (15th May 2014)

I don’t imagine Dickens lost an awful lot of sleep worrying about the cover designs for his novels. ‘Bleak House,’ he might have thought, ‘let’s go for a plain cover, in brown leather, with the title embossed in gold.’ ‘Ah Charles,’ the publisher might have said, ‘we’re toying with a plain red cover with a silver embossed title.’ Controversial. 

But these days - covers matter. They matter a lot. It can be irksome for a writer who has spent two years working on a novel to discover that the cover is the main topic of interest for the local book group. But publishers too, get very exercised by cover designs. Of course they do. A good cover can sell a lot of books. A poor cover can consign a book to the remainders store. Enter one of the most important people in the business - the cover designer. The cover designer has to be an artist, an alchemist, and a magician. He or she has to capture the essence of a novel in a single image, has to make it striking, compelling, and simultaneously unique. It has to be a cover you wouldn’t be embarrassed to be hiding behind on the tube, but a cover that will catch your eye on a book shelf. It has to scatter hints on genre and location and mood. It has to be serious. It has to be light. Who, I wonder, would be a cover designer?

 I love the hardback cover for ‘The Coincidence Authority.’ The plain image of the seagull and the sharp blue of the background seem to capture the whimsical essence of the story in a clear, eye-catching way. I also love the dreamy, faraway qualities of the US cover So I was a little surprised when Orion’s brilliant paperback editor Gail Paten told me that she was commissioning a redesign. Did it need one? ‘Yes,’ she told me. And she was pretty emphatic. Paperbacks are different creatures to hardbacks. The rules change. We talked about some of the ideas. Should it reflect the African themes of the story? Or something else?

Today W&N have revealed the new cover, and Gail has blogged about the hard work that went into the design. It is humbling to discover just how many people and how many ideas and how much talent went into the new cover.  But for me it is perfect. It captures, with the wheel of fortune, the essential mystery of chance that lies at the heart of the book, with echoes of the fairground where the young Azalea is abandoned, and hints of a buried romance; and it does all this in a brilliantly colourful way. The tag line if perfect (She believes in fate. He believes in fact. What are the chances of a happy ending?) It is so good, I wish I’d written it myself. So thank you Gail, and Steve and Edward and everyone else who contributed. I absolutely love the cover.

What do you think? Please let me know …

Father of the Bride (20th Feb 2014)

I hadn’t expected to be quite so emotional. I know I’d written a teary speech, and I’d joked to one and all that I’d be welling up, but deep inside I thought I’d sail through with my usual jolly demeanour. And then, five minutes before collecting my beautiful daughter, Zoe, from her room, one of the bridesmaids brought me a gift. It was from Zoe. A watch. On the back was engraved, ‘Dad – Forever your little girl.’

And that was it. I was in bits.

I went to collect Zoe and when she emerged, like a butterfly from a chrysalis, she was so beautiful I was crying like a baby.

Giving a daughter away should be the hardest thing in the world, but it’s the easiest. I’ve never seen Zoe looking so lovely, or so happy. My hand was shaking when I walked her up the aisle. I’m so happy for her, and I’m happy for my wonderful new son-in-law Ian (whom we all love).

It was a spectacular wedding. We took over the Wordsworth Hotel in Grasmere right in the heart of the English Lakes. In practice we seemed to take over the whole village. This was February. No one else was there. Every time I crossed the square I bumped into wedding guests. It should have rained – but it didn’t. The sun shone. The Prosecco flowed.  We had a brilliant cartoonist (Christopher Murphy), a stunning band (Superfreak), an amazing cake (Val Cooper), heart-stopping floral displays (Gill Maxim) and a whole load of wonderful guests. I only left the dance floor once in three hours. So thank you to my lovely wife Sue (who also looked gorgeous), to all our friends and relations, and to everyone who helped make the day go so well – the bridesmaids were fabulous – the best man was hilarious – the fireworks were awesome – the photographer was a genius - the flowers were spectacular; but thank you most of all to my stunningly beautiful daughter. I will never forget the day I gave you away. Forever your Dad.   

The Audio Book Experience

What is it like to hear someone read your writing aloud? I don't think I'd ever had that experience before. Not really; not reading whole chapters of text. Maybe that's why I was so nervous. Or maybe it was because the recording studio was in the basement cells of an old Victorian penitentiary in Clerkenwell, and as you descend the stairs you can't help thinking of the generations of convicts who made the same descent, never again to see the sun. Or maybe it was because I was about to meet the great Adjoa Andoh - who lest we should forget - appeared in Doctor Who and starred alongside Morgan Freeman in Invictus. Adjoa would be reading my book. My book! This is the actress who read all the First Ladies Detective Agency audio books. Nervous doesn’t begin to cover it …

But you can’t be nervous for long in a recording studio. The whole place projects calm. The walls are padded and people talk in hushed voices. (And there’s enough technology to fly a starship. But that’s by-the-by … )



The Brilliant Adjoa Andoh reading 'The Coincidence Authority'

‘I’m so pleased you’re here,’ Adjoa said, once we’d been introduced. ‘You can answer a question. What kind of accent would John Hall have?’ I was a little taken aback by this. John Hall is a supporting character in The Coincidence Authority. He doesn’t have a great deal of dialogue. ‘I don’t suppose it matters too much,’ I said. ‘Although I suppose, strictly speaking, he’s a Manxman.’ ‘That’s great,’ said Adjoa, and she looked over at Jenny, the producer. ‘Let’s re-record that last chapter and give him a Manx accent. He only has one line.’ ‘No, no, it’s okay,’ I protested. But Jenny and Adjoa had already made up their minds. Back they went through the pages. ‘She needs a bloody doctor, not a baptism,’ Adjoa read. In a Manx accent. I felt a sudden thrill. Those were my words. Spoken exactly as they were meant to be. If I’d had any reason to worry that they might not take my book very seriously, those worries had now been soundly spiked.

I knew Adjoa would be good. But I wasn’t expecting her voices to be so amazing. She gave Marion Yves a beautifully Manx – almost Liverpuddlian – twang. Thomas is a rather dusty, slightly hesitant, academic. Azalea is engaging and clever. And Clementine Bielszowska emerged perfectly as the inscrutable intellectual Eastern European that she is. The way that Adjoa supplies the voices you really don’t need my descriptions. You can close your eyes and see the characters, exactly as they were meant to be. And Adjoa does this reading a conversation that bounces back and forth between several voices. That, Ladies and Gentlemen, is a rare and remarkable talent.

There was more evidence to come of the thoroughness, and the amount of detail that goes into a good audio book. At one point the novel introduces the Biblical name ‘Shaphan.’ The context is rather oblique. It appears in a quick exploration of the origin of the name, ‘Azaliah,’ and this is because Azaliah (who becomes Azalea) is a central character in the story. In the Bible, we learn, Shaphan was the son of Azaliah. But how should ‘Shaphan’ be pronounced? All recording came to a halt while researches were done. ‘I really don’t think it matters,’ I said, anxious that this minor problem shouldn't hold everything up. ‘After all, who would know?’  But again my protests were ignored. Jenny consulted a book on biblical pronunciation (yes – there is such a thing); then a website; then another. Opinion varied. Shap-han suggested one; Shay-fan another. A debate ensued. In the end we went with the majority of academic opinion, and Shay-fan it now is. We’d spent several minutes on the single appearance of one name. Bear that in mind when you listen to the audio book.

It is a unique experience hearing your words read aloud, especially by as accomplished a reader as Adjoa Andoh. As a writer you have a voice in your head that speaks the lines in one particular way; an actor comes to the same lines with their own pace and delivery. The emphasis isn’t quite what you’d imagined. The rhythm subtly changes. It unsettles you at first. You have to relax and let it happen. But within just a few lines you’re sold. And the surprising thing (for me at least) is how much better a good actor is at reading your lines than your own internal reader is. Not just a little better – waaay better. This, I suppose, is why they do their job. When Adjoa read the story of the seagull I found myself transported into the scene even more vividly than I had been when I wrote it. And that is a rather spooky sensation for a writer.

I can’t wait to hear the full audio book of The Coincidence Authority. I sat in for four chapters and then I left them to it. There was nothing I could add. To be honest, I suspect I’d become a distraction. Still, I couldn’t have been happier than I was when I left. A very big Thank You to Orion Books and Strathmore – and to Pandora and Jenny and Adjoa. And thank you Adjoa for the anecdotes about Morgan Freeman and Clint Eastwood. It was an unforgettable experience.  




 

Lost in translation ...

A couple of weeks ago I received three books through the post. The parcel came as a surprise. It's 'Maximilian Ponderin Muteber Benyi' - the Turkish translation of 'The Notable Brain of Maximilian Ponder.' I knew that this was out and about in Turkey because of the generous tweets and messages I've received from readers, but it was still a huge pleasure to have copies to put on my shelf. I rather like the shredded paper on the cover; I know it bears no relation whatsoever to the contents of the book, but in a curiously existential way it manages to evoke the shredding of memories, which is ultimately what happens to Max. I look forward to the day (highly unlikely, alas) when we welcome Turkish visitors to our home, and I can pull them down a copy. Maybe they could translate some of it back to me.

It's an odd feeling seeing your book in translation. I'm sure that the translator (whom I don't know) has done an excellent job. I should love to meet him (or her) so that I could shake his (or her) hand and say thank you. It is odd to think that someone, whom I never met, spent weeks in the close company of Maximilian Ponder. I hope they grew to like him. Although, after translating 120,000 words, perhaps they hated him. 

I've tried copying an extract quoted on a Turkish website into 'Google Translate.' Here is Google's version of what the paragraph says:

In a way, I'm sure Max used to say, do not start in the middle. Only the Big Bang, the laws of nature emerged rastlantılarıyla awesome, non-stop expanding universe, the planets and the universe cooled in the atmospheres and conditions of primordial soup and, ultimately, as a result of natural selection does not mind you coming presence, I opened and closed walnuts on the table, and there's probably dead, lying dead Max Ponder as well. Here's the story, it did not bother him etmezmiş detail as if Max would say. Whereas was. Head broke the details.

That's probably better than my original. I shouldn't complain!

I don't understand a word of Turkish (to my shame), and  I've only ever visited the country twice - both times for dull business meetings. So if anyone from Turkey wants to visit us here in Market Drayton, we should be delighted to see you. I may even have an interesting book for you to read. (Even better, please invite us to Turkey and I'll bring the book along.)

The last I heard, 'The Coincidence Authority' is to be translated into French and German. 'Would the French enjoy a novel with a very English hero?' I asked my editor. 'They love the philosophy,' she told me

 

 

January and Editing Editing Editing.

January brings the snow, makes your feet and fingers glow. That's according to Flanders and Swan. But here in Shropshire it has bought cold slushy rain, following swiftly on the heels of a whole year of rain, and the little hamlet of Colehurst is awash with mud. Seriously though, don't you feel that January is always ... I don't know ... a little anti-climactic? We cheer the month in with a load of fireworks and communal singing, and then, well, it's back to work and the mornings are still dark and we're all spent out of cash.

Max Ponder is out in paperback. That cheered me up. I love the cover, and I do have to say that, for an author, walking into WHSmith's and seeing your book on the chart wall is a very guilty pleasure. Even if it is only at number 76. The Costa First Novel Award went to The Innocents by Francesca Segal. It is thoroughly well deserved for a beautifully written book. I've read all the shortlisted books, and quite frankly, I'd have been pushed to choose between them. Snake Ropes by Jessica Richards is delightfully quirky with a deliciously original voice, and The Bellwether Revivals by Benjamin Wood is a sinister and very erudite story of a damaged personality. I'm looking forward to meeting all three authors (I hope) at the awards bash on 29th Jan. I'll be cheering on Francesca. Of course. But if it has to be Hilary Mantel ... well I love Bring up the Bodies too.

I'm deep into edits for The Coincidence Authority right now. This is a humbling task. I can't believe the  number of elementary mistakes that my very brilliant editor, Kirsty, has spotted, and I groan as I turn each page to face a host of embarrassing bloopers on the next, every one clearly marked in black pen.  The writer Heinrich Heine wrote that, 'no author is a man of genius to his publisher.' Isn't that the truth. Still, you learn a lot about your bad writing habits in the editing process. I've discovered that I make far too much use of the dash - like that, and even, oddly ... the elipse. Most of these get converted to commas by my editor. She's right of course.  I'm addicted to unnecessary detail ('this isn't Max Ponder,' my editor writes in the margin, 'you don't need all this.' Right again.) And I'm blind to my own repetitions.  Worst of all, I tend to let my prose run away. It gets baggy. 'Tighten this!' Kirsty writes. 'Tighten' is now my mantra. It often seems that the passages my editor wants to strike out are the very ones that I was proudest of; I delete them with a heavy heart. 'These are only suggestions,' she has told me. 'Ignore them if you want.'  So sometimes I do. But there is an unexpected catharsis to taking editorial advice. I re-read each page with the changes complete, and damnit, the whole thing really does sound better. Now how did that happen?  Editors, I have decided, are the great unsung heroes (and heroines) of literature. I am lucky to have such a good one. But I still wish the process wasn't so painful. 

The Costa Shortlist

My phone rang when I was on a train. ‘I’m in a quiet carriage,’ I whispered, expecting heads all around to turn accusingly.

The caller was my wife Sue. ‘You need to phone Kirsty,’ she said, urgently. ‘She has exciting news.’ (Kirsty is my editor at Orion. Her news is always exciting. But what could this news be?)

‘What kind of ….?’ I began, but I barely had time for those three words before the train disobligingly plunged into a signal-free zone. There’s a stretch of the West Coast mainline up through the Lake District where you can normally guarantee blissful freedom from telephone disturbance for half an hour or more.  But could there be a less convenient stretch of the rail network, when you know there’s exciting news, but have no hint to suggest what that news might be?

I phoned Kirsty an age later when the train pulled into Carlisle. I had very few nerves left. ‘What’s the news?’ I asked.

‘Ahh well … it’s very exciting ….,’ she said. She was toying with me.

‘Please,’ I begged. ‘In twenty seconds, I’ll be on the long stretch of line to Beattock Summit and I don’t think cell phones have ever made it this far north.’

‘You’ve made the shortlist for The Costa.’

I have now discovered the reason why they have quiet carriages on trains. It was only the threat of opprobrium from my fellow passengers that prevented me from leaping onto the table and whooping.  Actually, of course, that last bit isn’t true. We British don’t go in for whooping much, do we? Especially not on trains. That would be an American response. So instead I said something very polite; ‘Oh gosh, how splendid,’ or words to that effect.

One week later and I’m still trying to come to terms with the news. It seemed (and still does seem) faintly unreal. Even sipping champagne with Kirsty and Sophie from Orion in Jamie’s Italian to celebrate, didn’t altogether dispel the feeling that I’m somehow occupying a dream that rightly belongs to someone else. I’m quite prepared for the letter that reads, ‘due to an unfortunate error your book was mistakenly placed in the wrong list, please accept our apologies…’ 

The truth is, I suppose, that book prizes do matter. They shouldn’t. But they do. I’ve recently emerged, scathed, from the ordeal that was the Guardian’s ‘Not the Booker Prize,’ from which contest Max Ponder managed to stumble home in third place. It’s a well-meaning attempt by the Guardian to democratise the book award circus, and to introduce a level of X-Factor voting into the mix. But it ended, this year, with a nasty squabble between the winner and the Guardian, and an unseemly email campaign for votes. So the news that Max Ponder had made the final four for the Costa First Novel Award was especially gratifying.

The other three books look impressive, and a little scary. I’m going to try to read them all before the announcement of the category winners on January 3^rd so that I can nod enthusiastically and say, ‘well deserved,’ when the decision is announced. The reviewer on ‘Front Row’ referred to us collectively as ‘young authors,’ which was kind.  The other three deserve the adjective, but I shall enjoy the association all the same. And I am looking forward to the announcement. That is true. It would be fantastic to win, but it’s great simply to be recognised. So I’m not thinking about winning. Well. I’m trying not to. I’ve got three more chapters of Book Three to finish, and a whole set of edits for The Coincidence Authority coming my way very soon, and a day job that actively consumes my time, and a Christmas calendar that is filling up fast, and those three novels to read, and a cryptic crossword to complete every day, and a five year old retriever that needs walking, and Christmas shopping to start thinking about, and a running machine that beckons from the conservatory every time I look out of the kitchen window. So let’s put all thought of the Costa aside – for the next six weeks at least. And if anyone confronts me, as they sometimes do, with, ‘OMG you made the Costa Shortlist!’ I shall smile like an Englishman and say, ‘yes, isn’t it splendid?’ Or words to that effect.

The Indonesia Blog Part 3: Borneo and Orangs

Orang

A village on the Sekonyer river

A Klotok 

Proboscis Monkeys

Enough of books and book prizes and the stresses and strains of publishing. It's time for another blog from Indonesia. This will be the final posting of our vacation blog. It's the story of Borneo and the Sekonyer River and Tanjung Puting, and orang utans. 

This was the most conventional episode of our trip. Way Kambas park had been curiously empty of tourists. There were two bird watchers, and there were the two of us (and in a future blog I'll relate the strange coincidence that attends this story - but not right now.) In Ujung Kulon there was us and a researcher. That's all. But in Tanjung Puting there were dozens of tourists - well twenty at least. Possibly thirty. It felt like the Masai Mara.

You fly to a little town called Pangkalan Bun. Your tour guide meets you and takes you to your boat, and within an hour of landing you're on the river. You're on your own on a Klotok - a traditional wooden boat - with your own crew - a captain, his mate, a guide and a cook. It's really quite surreal. You sail down the mile-wide Kumai river and up the Sekonyer, and already it's wild. This is Tanjung Puting, a sprawling jungle wilderness, and you're on a three day / two night voyage. It's the African Queen (except, of course, that it's Borneo.) When night falls, the crew make up your bed on the deck - a thin mattress and a mozzie net - and you lie under the stars, listening to the noises of the forest. The call of gibbons The distant cry of an orang utan. Unfamiliar, exotic noises. And it's wonderful.

You do encounter the other tourists though. That happens when you stop at a range of field stations and you trek out to see the orangs. But it's okay. There is a jolly cameraderie. The orangs are semi wild. Some of them are domesticated apes that have been returned to the wild. Others are the offspring of the rehabilitated orangs. And others still, are truly wild. It doesn't seem to matter. Once a day each field station puts out food (bananas and sugar cane). Some orangs come and feed. Others don't. But it's still an experience. A good one.

At dusk you're on your own again on the boat. We played cards and ate well. There's no alcohol - of course. Our cook was excellent, and our guide, Hani, was good company. She's one of only four female guides in the park. There are fifty six men. Sue and Hani talked about feminism and Islam and marriage and divorce. These aren't the conversations you usually have with a guide.

At dusk proboscis monkeys climb into the trees overhanging the river. This is the safest place for them. If a clouded leopard should prowl, the monkeys can drop into the river to escape. There are thousands of proboscis monkeys, but they're endlessly fascinating.  

And that's it really. If ever you're looking for a relaxing encounter with wildlife, I would recommend a Klotok trip up the Sekonyer river. It's wild. 
  

My 'Not the Booker Prize' Blog

I hadn’t even heard of the Guardian’s ‘Not The Booker Prize’ before the email arrived from my editor.  I was still getting over the disappointment of failing to make the Man Booker Prize last month, so any email with ‘Booker’ in the title line looked promising.  And so the whole thing started.

The idea is pretty simple. The Man Booker Prize (so the argument goes) is a sclerotic institution with its head up its own fundament and prizes like this should be put back into the hands of the people. Democracy should reign. (This overlooks the unfortunate point that democracy has plenty of say in book sales, and if it were to be equitably applied, then Shades of Grey would win every prize going. But moving swiftly on … ).  First someone has to go online to nominate your book. That’s easy enough (actually it was fiendishly complex – but the principle is easy). Then the great reading public are invited to vote. But here’s the twist; they have to accompany their vote with a 100 word review of the book. This will prove that the voting is honest, and weed out all but the most determined sock puppets. This process resulted in a couple of hundred titles, many much more likely to attract widespread public attention than Max Ponder could hope to do. And now a serious flaw in the democratic process became apparent. With only a few dozen votes separating the winners from the also-rans, the winner wasn’t really going to be selected by public vote at all. There would be some genuine votes cast, but the balance that would swing the day would be determined by the friends and family of the authors, their facebook contacts, and the employees of the publishing house. Oh dear.

My confession, dear reader, is that I willing and complicity engaged in this scam. I whipped up my friends, I tweeted, I posted on LinkedIn, and through the enormous generosity of a whole set of friends, I earned myself a third place. Which I’m happy with. But in the process I learned some things. First I learned not to do this again. If I enter another book prize I’ll be more than happy to leave it to judges to tell me how good or how bad my book is. But I also learned what a great set of friends I have. The 100 word reviews they posted were so full of warmth, I was genuinely touched. I didn’t know everyone who voted – of the fifty or so votes that got me on the shortlist, I think I know around half of the people. Finishing in third place makes me feel that I let them down. But I still feel very blessed that I know so many wonderful people, and that so many of them liked my book.

In the end I’m not really critical of the format of NTBP. It is what it is. If you enter, you have to recognise the way it works. I don’t think it is a prize that suits a debut novelist … because the more established writers have a loyal readership that they can mine for votes. But I’m not sorry that I entered. Sam Jordison wrote a very moving Guardian review (I happen to think that his review of Max Ponder was the best review of any of the seven shortlisted books). And the exposure was helpful. All exposure is.

As I write this I’m still not sure who won. It was either Ewan Morrison (Tales from the Mall) or Ben Myers (Pig Iron). Well done guys. And well done mobilising your vote. I will read the winning book. I hope you read mine. The Notable Brain of Maximilian Ponder will be out in Paperback on 3^rd January. That’s a plug. Thank you.